Christmas cracker jokes: 100 of the best for kids and adults
One hundred cracker jokes sorted by audience, from Santa and snowman puns for children to one-liners for the grown-ups, with why they are meant to make you groan and how to write your own.
A good Christmas cracker joke makes the whole table groan at once. The 100 below are sorted by audience and theme, so you can pick puns a six-year-old will get and one-liners for the grown-ups, read them out when the Christmas crackers are pulled, or print them for crackers you fill yourself. All of them are clean enough for a mixed table.
Classic cracker jokes everyone knows
These turn up in crackers year after year. Nearly all are a question and a pun, so read the question, leave a pause for guesses, then give the answer.
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
They keep dropping their needles. - Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy. - What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause. - How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even. - What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
“I don’t like sprouts.” - What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
No idea. - What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea. - Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks. - What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve. - What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsel-itis. - Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered. - What carol do you hear in the desert?
O camel ye faithful.
Christmas cracker jokes for kids
For children, pick jokes where the answer is a word they already know, bent slightly: Claws for Claus, ewe for you. Let the youngest reader at the table go first.
Animal jokes
- What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claws. - What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker. - What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells. - What do sheep say to each other at Christmas?
Merry Christmas to ewe. - How do sheep keep warm in winter?
Central bleating. - What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper. - What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing. - What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistle-toad. - What do angry mice send at Christmas?
Cross-mouse cards. - What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like: he can’t hear you. - What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost. - Why don’t crabs give Christmas presents?
Because they’re shellfish. - What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells. - What do you call a dinosaur that loves Christmas trees?
A tree-rex.
Santa jokes
- Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho, ho, ho. - What’s red and white and goes up and down?
Santa in a lift. - What do you call Santa’s dog?
Santa Paws. - What do you call Santa when he stops for a rest?
Santa Pause. - What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf. - Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him. - How does Santa keep track of the fireplaces he visits?
He keeps a log. - What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson. - What do you call a child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus. - Why is Santa so good at karate?
He has a black belt. - What do you call Santa when he runs out of money?
Saint Nickel-less. - What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia.
Reindeer jokes
- Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
Rude-olph. - Why did Rudolph get a bad school report?
Because he went down in history. - What’s Rudolph’s favourite day of the year?
Red Nose Day. - How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Stop feeding it. - Why did the reindeer cross the road?
It was tied to the chicken. - What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments. - Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they’d look silly in anoraks. - What does a reindeer say before telling a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
Snowman jokes
- What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Frosties. - What do you call an old snowman?
Water. - What did one snowman say to the other?
Can you smell carrots? - Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snow bank. - How do snowmen get around?
By icicle. - What do snowmen call their children?
Chill-dren. - Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites. - What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps. - Why was the snowman looking through the bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose. - What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Elf jokes
- What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet. - Who is an elf’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley. - What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper. - What car does an elf drive?
A Toy-ota. - Why did Santa’s helper go to the doctor?
He had low elf-esteem. - What do elves post online?
Elfies.
Christmas knock-knock jokes
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who?
Mary Christmas. - Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here. - Knock knock. Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut who?
Doughnut open until Christmas. - Knock knock. Who’s there? Holly. Holly who?
Holly-days are here again. - Knock knock. Who’s there? Elf. Elf who?
Elf me wrap these presents. - Knock knock. Who’s there? Wenceslas. Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?
Christmas dinner jokes: turkey, sprouts and pudding
Save these for the moment the food reaches the table. The sprout ones land best on whoever leaves theirs on the plate.
- Why don’t turkeys eat much at Christmas?
They’re already stuffed. - Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside. - Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing. - What do you call a turkey on Boxing Day?
Lucky. - What’s green and sits in the corner?
A naughty sprout. - What do you call a sprout that won’t stop talking?
A Brussels spout. - What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas pudding?
Your teeth. - Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy. - What did the stuffing say to the turkey?
I’m really into you. - Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Christmas tree, decoration and present jokes
Good for the lull while presents are handed out, or for children decorating the tree.
- What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A pine-apple. - What did the Christmas tree say to the bauble?
Quit hanging around. - How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
They spruce themselves up. - What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?
Nice gnawing you. - Why did the bauble never leave the tree?
It was hooked. - Why do mummies love Christmas?
All the wrapping. - What’s the best present you can get?
A broken drum: you can’t beat it. - What did the wrapping paper say to the present?
I’ve got you covered. - What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places. - What’s a Christmas cracker’s favourite kind of music?
Pop.
Christmas cracker jokes for adults: one-liners
Shop-bought cracker jokes stay clean because a Christmas table usually mixes every age. These lean on grown-up subjects, such as work, wine and disappointing presents, without anything you would need to explain to a child.
- Why is Christmas like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the bloke in the red suit gets the credit. - I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. If the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
- Christmas is the only time of year you sit in front of a dead tree eating sweets out of a sock.
- What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar?
He got 24 days. - What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses. - I bought my dad a fridge for Christmas. His face lit up when he opened it.
- My partner asked for something with diamonds in it, so I bought a pack of cards.
- Why do accountants love Christmas?
There’s a Claus for everything. - Santa is the only man who can let himself in at midnight, eat your mince pies and still get a thank-you note.
- I’ve started a Christmas detox. So far I’ve removed three mince pies from the tin.
- What do you call a dad reading out cracker jokes?
A groan-up. - Spare a thought for the turkey: the only guest who knew exactly how dinner would end.
Why cracker jokes are meant to be bad
The groan is the point. Writing in The Conversation in 2017, Susan Hunston, professor of English language at the University of Birmingham, argued that cracker jokes work because they are innocent and built as a question and an answer: one person asks, someone else has to reply, and the table starts talking. The pun forces two meanings of a word together, while topical or political jokes fall flat when the children at the table miss the reference.
- 3 in 4enjoy reading the jokes out over Christmas dinner
- 6 in 10are disappointed by cracker jokes
- 1 in 5laugh at cracker jokes only to be polite
Those figures come from a 2019 poll of 2,000 people in Britain, commissioned by Currys PC World.
From love mottos to jokes
Crackers started with love mottos rather than jokes. Tom Smith, the London confectioner and baker who invented the cracker, first tucked a small love motto inside the wrappers of the sweets he sold. He patented his first cracker device in 1847 and perfected the mechanism in the 1860s. Jokes came later: the V&A collection holds a 1927 Tom Smith cracker sold with “quips and jokes” inside.
This year’s topical jokes
For jokes about the year’s news, the TV channel U&Gold runs an annual cracker joke competition: the public sends in jokes, a panel of judges draws up a shortlist and a public vote ranks the top 10, with the 2025 list published in mid-December. Topical jokes date fast, though, so keep the classics for a family table.
How to write your own cracker jokes
A homemade joke, especially one about someone at the table, goes down well in fill-your-own crackers. Most cracker jokes follow the same recipe:
- Pick a Christmas word: Claus, sleigh, elf, sprout, tinsel, pudding.
- List words that sound like it or share its spelling: Claus and claws, sleigh and slay, elf and help.
- Write a question that points the listener to the ordinary meaning, such as “What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?”
- Keep the answer to a few words, ending on the pun.
- Try it on the youngest person who will hear it. If they get it, everyone will.
Print the question on the front of each slip and the answer on the back, so the reader cannot spoil it. Measure the middle chamber of your cracker tubes first and cut the slips a little shorter, so they slide in lengthwise beside the hat and the gift.
For gift ideas and the making steps, see our guide to what to put in homemade Christmas crackers. If you would rather buy them ready-made, browse our Christmas crackers collection.
Wrendale Designs
Season’s Tweetings Christmas crackers, set of 6, with glass magnet
No crackers this year? Write the jokes on place cards instead and set them out with the rest of your table decorations.
Cracker joke games for the dinner table
Once every cracker has been pulled, the jokes can keep the table going a little longer. Four simple games:
- Guess the punchline: the reader asks the question and the first person to call out the right answer scores a point. If nobody gets it, the reader scores.
- Pass it left: everyone reads their question aloud and the person on their left has to answer.
- Groan score: the table rates each joke from one to five groans, and the worst joke wins.
- Straight face: whoever laughs at a joke they claimed to hate reads the next one.
Set a cracker on every plate before people sit down, alongside your other Christmas table decorations. Still choosing a box? Our guide to the best Christmas crackers compares budget, luxury and fill-your-own types.
Frequently asked questions
What is the tradition of Christmas crackers?
A cracker is a card tube that two people pull at Christmas dinner until it splits with a bang. Whoever ends up with the middle section keeps the paper hat, the joke and the small gift inside, and the hat is usually worn through the meal. The London confectioner Tom Smith invented it and patented his first cracker device in 1847.
What is the best Christmas cracker joke of all time?
There is no official winner, but some jokes have turned up in crackers for years, such as the Christmas trees that can’t knit because they keep dropping their needles. For new jokes, the TV channel U&Gold runs an annual competition in which a public vote ranks the top 10 topical cracker jokes.
What are good Christmas cracker jokes for adults?
One-liners about work, wine or disappointing presents go down well with grown-ups while staying clean, which matters when children share the table. The Advent calendar thief who got 24 days and the white Christmas that turns red once the white wine runs out are two reliable choices.
Are there dark humour Christmas cracker jokes?
Shop-bought crackers keep to clean jokes because they are made for mixed-age tables. For an adults-only dinner you can write darker jokes yourself and put them in fill-your-own crackers. Keep them away from children’s places and from anyone the subject might upset.
Why are Christmas cracker jokes so bad?
On purpose. A bad pun earns a shared groan, and the question-and-answer format means somebody has to reply, which gets the whole table talking. The linguist Susan Hunston has argued that their innocence is what makes them work at a table that mixes ages.
Which Christmas crackers have the best jokes?
Boxes rarely say which jokes are inside, so you cannot choose crackers on their jokes in the shop. Luxury crackers differ mainly in the gift and the finish. If the jokes matter to you, buy fill-your-own crackers and print your own from a list like the one above.
How do you write a Christmas cracker joke?
Take a Christmas word, find another word that sounds like it or shares its spelling, then write a question that points to the ordinary meaning and an answer of a few words that swaps in the other one. Claus and claws gives you the cat on the beach. Test it on the youngest person at the table.
